“S” is one of the guys Jeff has been working with for years. He has poured countless hours, time, tears and prayers into him in hopes that he would begin to make smarter choices and grasp how much Jesus loves him. He was always there for him. He’d answer his calls and texts that came all hours of the day and night. He’d talk him out of using drugs when “S” was falling apart. He would appear in court with him for support. He’d drive him to and from appointments. Basically, Jeff was love in action for “S” to see and experience.
Recently, “S” was falling back into old habits, habits that cost him so so much. The signs were there, the lying, the stealing, the sneaking around. After one too many times of relapsing, his fiancé kicked him out. He ended up moving in with his mother who happens to be a “hoarder”. The only space for him was between boxes on the couch. Jeff even sat with him right there on that couch mentoring and praying for him.
“S”, realizing that his choices may result in him loosing his daughter, fiancé, and job had agreed to a program. Jeff had spoken with “S”’s Probation Officer and she agreed not to arrest him if he would enter this specific program. Jeff helped make all the arrangements and “S” was to finally be admitted the next day. That evening “S” called Jeff and told him that his dad was going to drop him off at the program. The next day, after many phone calls, Jeff discovered that “S” had lied to his dad and was dropped off at a drug dealers house.
The heartbreak, the frustration, the distrust. All those feelings hit at once. Jeff had to call the Probation Officer and let her know what had happened knowing that “S” may be arrested. It was a difficult call but one necessary since he had persuaded her to let “S” go to this program. I felt helpless, hopeless, defeated and Jeff began explaining to me that that was what drug users do. He didn’t take any of it personal.
It makes me wonder if Jesus feels heartbreak over us when we “run away” and do our own things based upon our wants and desires. Regardless of how many times and in how many ways He has taught us and shown us in His Word the right way of doing things. His Word “mentors” us and I know the Holy Spirit is lifting us in prayer yet we turn away.
What is your drug? What is it that holds your attention? What draws you away from righteousness? Let us be mindful of those things, whether tangible or not, and surrender them, give them up. His ways are better than our ways. Lord, help us to fill those longings for our “drug” with longings for You!